Why Does He Stay?
by The Prussian Duelist
Summary: Soma can't understand it. How come he stays? How come he does not hate him? How come? Agni X Soma


The lines are hard to see, sometimes. Passionate love and passionate hate have a transparent line between them, one that enemies and lovers frequently cross without meaning to. There is a line between the best of friends and the closest of lovers, one that is forever blurred and hard to place. There is a line between a servant and master that is said to be clear as day, but once the day ends, that line disappears altogether: for we are all people.

The line between friendship and love is one I've never thought to learn, never thought to need or see. It was always there, I just never paid it any heed. Not until I began to see the world through changing eyes. Because I was growing, things around me were changing, as if to suit my new views and thoughts and feelings. Even Agni.

Especially Agni.

It wasn't that his routine changed from day to day, or that his appearance was inconsitent. It wasn't that he treated me any differently or spoke with any new tones and words. It wasn't that he physically or emotionally changed at all, actually. All that changed about him, as strange as it might be to say, was me. I changed.

He did not change physically, but suddenly I saw him differently. I saw his strong arms and sturdy shoulders, his lean muscles and tone form, I saw his piercing eyes and his bronzed skin, I saw his firm mouth and his steady hands. I saw him. I saw him the way... the way one of my older brothers might see a girl, I suppose. And I could understand that, too. I could see women, I could see their curves and soft skin, their eyes, their mouths, their hands and feet... I could hear their voices, too. But I didn't like their high voices the way I liked Agni's low voice.

When had I come to like his voice? I suppose that changed somewhere along the way, too... I can't remember when. It's like... it's like I just woke up one day and where my servant and friend had once stood there was a man I wished for as more than a friend, much more.

While I was still in India, I disregarded my feelings in shame. They were sso different from what my brothers felt and I thought it best not to act on them, so I didn't. But while we were in London, when the world around me distorted, showing me how selfish and how much of a monster I had been, though not meaning to, that was when I faced these feelings.

I faced my feelings because they were the only thing I had left that hadn't changed about me, even slightly. If anything, they had grown. Each day, I saw my manservant as less and less of a servant and more as... as...

How I wished I could say "friend".

But Agni is not just a friend. Agni is everything, the everything I treated as nothing. He catered to my every need, want, whim, and word. He cooked for me, cleaned up after me, kept me safe, and all while revering me as a god. I was ashamed of myself. How could I have taken him for granted? I should have seen that he was everything and... and perhaps I should have strove to make him _my _everything.

I am his everything, he tells me that I am perfect. So perfect. I don't see perfection in myself, and I don't deserve to be his everything, I who did so little from him. I saved him, yes, but that was the only good I ever did, really. I was spoiled, I was loud, I was immature... and yet... and yet he counted me among the gods, he put me on a pedastal and worshipped me, he followed me no matter where I went, he protected me no matter what harm came to him.

I bit my lip unhappily, shaking my head and forcing my thoughts to go away. But they rebelled against me, I who have no sself-control. Why did he stay with me? Why did he revere me? I did one thing, _one _thing. I don't deserve all this. I rubbed furiously at my eyes as I felt the hot tears come, taunting me with their presence. "A-Agni..." I whimpered. _Why are you always so loyal to me?_

"Yes, my prince?"

I looked up. He was back from the market already. I blinked at him, then turned away, trying to hide the tears I had allowed to seep from my eyes. No, he couldn't see those! I was so much a child already, I didn't need to be further marked as a child by my own tears! I heard the items from Agni's arms being hastily- carefully- set down.

"My prince, why do you cry?" he asked me quietly. He moved my hands away from my face, dapping at my damp, reddened cheeks with a soft handkerchief..

"I'm not worth all that you give me," I said truthfully, "I'm not worth the faith you put in me, the pedastal you put me on, the care and comfort you give me. I don't know why you stay... you could leave and you stay. Why?"

"My prince is the most important thing in the world to me," Agni said seriously.

"I am not worthy of being most important to anyone, least of all you," I replied insistantly. I wasn't! What little I've done I have done mostly for myself, even saving Agni, perhaps, was more for myself and my satisfaction then for him and his life.

"My prince..." Agni has a look of deep sadness on his face, "You are worth so much."

"Agni. Why do you stay?" I asked again.

"Because, my prince, I belong entirely to you. You gave me a new life, my prince, you gave me hope. You allowed me to stay by your side. You allowed me to be in your very presence. It is not only my life I give to you, prince, but my very heart and soul as well," Agni replied. His solemnity never broke. He meant this?

"But..." I trailed off, shaking my head and pressing Agni's hand away. "Why?"

"First it was of gratitude, but gratitude gave way to admiration, admiration gave way to a companionship and friendship that I had never found likely, and that gave way to an emotion forbidden to me," Agni's gaze never wavered, his eyes locked on my own. "My prince... you have my heart, it is yours to do with as you please."

He did mean it, then.

Agni... loved me?

I looked at him, trying to find humor in his eyes, or a lie, or anything to show that this was not as it seemed, that is was not a confession. But there was nothing but pained honesty in his eyes. Was he waiting for me to strike him for his emotions? Was he waiting for dismissal? I didn't understand! "A-Agni... I don't deserve your heart-" he opened his mouth to speak, but I shook my head, silencing him, "I don't deserve it, but I... I would like to keep it. But only if you allow a trade."

"A... trade, my prince?"

"Yes. I'll keep your heart if you allow me to give my heart to you," I said, feeling heat rise to my cheeks as I looked at the floor. It was embarassing to say... but... I _did _mean it.

Agni smiled softly, "If it is what my prince desires."

"I... I don't desire it as a prince, or a god, or anything else. I desire this trade... as me. As Soma," I corrected.

"If it pleases you," Agni stepped back, just far enough so that he could bow to me. I took a step forward, towards him, as he completed his bow. I hesitated, then put my arms around his neck, embracing him. He hesitantly returned the gesture, his arms around my waist, gently, carefully, as if i would break.

"Agni... may I... ah... may I kiss you?" I asked, looking away from him all the more embarassed. I hadn't kissed anyone ever and didn't know the... the etiquette of it.

But Agni smiled, pulling slightly away from me and moving a hand from my waist to my cheek. He nodded and moved close, allowing for me to close the distance. It was a cautious kiss, experimental. Going from master and servant to lovers was not going to be an easy thing, to be sure... but... I could live with that, I suppose.

After all, I had Agni's heart, and he had mine.


End file.
